The covid-19 pandemic has created an unprecedented situation in the United States, and in most parts of the world. The thought of becoming sick, needing to be hospitalized, and even dying is frightening enough for a person of any age. The added sudden changes of schools being closed, people asked to shelter in place to help slow the spread, businesses shuttered, families on the brink of financial difficulties obviously added another layer of complexity to the situation.
As adults, we typically understand that these measures, while difficult, are likely a necessity to ensure the health and welfare of as many people as possible in the long term, especially when experts were not sure about the facts of the course or rate of spread. However, for countless children whose brains are still developing and who, even in the best of conditions, have difficulty making sense of conflicting information, this situation has been overwhelming to the point of breakdown.
Regardless of an adult’s political leanings, there are undeniable effects from the pandemic needing acknowledgement that go far beyond just numbers of cases, hospitalizations, and deaths. There have been rises in suicidal ideation in older children, rises in anxiety and depression related disorders, and rises in substance use. In younger children, who are often lagging in their ability to verbalize their internal world, this often manifests as crying, tantrums, or aggression and possibly in other ways depending on the child’s typical coping methods. In this light, we would like to give a short guide to this situation with no political ties or suggestions as to what should be done from a “covid” or “lockdown” point of view but simply a way to help your children, and possibly yourself, deal with this situation while possibly building some skills that can benefit your family when covid is just an unpleasant memory.
One of the simplest and often most effective ways to deal with a situation such as this, unprecedented for virtually everyone, is to encourage open conversation about the topic. As with most issues, your children will know enough about the topic to be worried but will not know enough to be able to talk themselves through their anxiety. If we as adults shut down discussion of the topic this can often serve to drive the topic further into the thinking of the child and increase their level of anxiety as they can often prone to “ruminating” on large topics like this, especially if they do not have adequate information to help them process their anxiety.
Another benefit of open communication with your children is it can be a way to open the door to communication in many other areas that can be worrying to your child like school, bullying, peer relationships, or any number of issues that can often be complex and confusing to a child. If they do not have a constant source of information that is reliable they will often look to other sources of information, like YouTube or other websites. You, as a parent, can help them process these thoughts and find more effective ways to deal with them, helping them have more of their cognitive load available to deal with school and other positive activities that can help them build mastery or self-confidence to use in all aspects of their lives.
This leads to another way help children to cope with a situation like this. Helping them “get the facts.” We realize that this can be a loaded term during this time, but children struggle to see complex issues in nuanced ways. Sitting with an adult and looking at both sides of a complex issue will typically be beneficial for a child as it will gives them the opportunity to examine information and begin to understand that issues can be complex and have multiple solutions. If, as an adult, we tend to stay in an “echo chamber”, there is a good chance your child will grow up in a similar way. If we wish to have our children learn critical thinking, it is important that they begin learning it early in life. Also, getting facts from different sources can often serve to help children understand the situation and process their anxiety in more effective ways.
Finally, help your child find new avenues of interest in which they can become involved. Work with them to identify hobbies and find ways to get them going in the right direction. Maybe they are interested in knitting or some other craft. Maybe there are interested in becoming a “YouTuber” or a “TikTok’er.” Maybe they have taken an interest into science or biology because of the virus. Helping your child identify positive interests and get started on them can be a veritable cornucopia of skills they can learn during a time like this. If they become interested in a topic about which you know little, websites called “MOOCs”, or Massive Open Online Courses, courses that anyone can take, are becoming more and more geared to learning for adolescents and even younger children.
The obvious skill is helping them learn to manage free time on their own. There always seem to be a few children who do that naturally, filling up their free time with a hobby or interest that becomes a career or avocation. However, for most kids, extensive free time, as most American kids have had during the pandemic can be a recipe for developing bad habits. Chief among these is often a lack of exercise. At the height of the pandemic, parks and playgrounds were closed in some states which may it more difficult for children to get sufficient exercise. Helping them start a new hobby on their own can help teach them how to manage time more efficiently without a school setting. Of course, as a parent you will want to monitor how long your child may spend on their hobby to ensure that they do not trade time spent on their phone or video games for time spent on a hobby.
Another large benefit from this type of undertaking for children is that it helps them grow in feelings of competence and independence. It also can help them grow the important skill of “frustration tolerance.” Very often children who struggling to cope with emotions effectively struggle when they try a new activity, especially if it is not easily mastered. Frustration tolerance, much like critical thinking, is a skill that school often try to teach but can be extremely difficult for some children to master.
Follow the psychdomain blog to continue finding new ideas to help your child cope in a complex world.