Helping Your Family Navigate the Therapy Conundrum (Final)

In part one of this post, we discussed possible situations that could lead a family to looking for help from a mental health professional. Along the way we suggested consulting with your family doctor and making sure the problem is not medical before you get started. We also looked at what therapy may look like in a general way in the beginning.

In part two, we looked at ideas a therapist may have for new interventions to use at home and concerns parents sometimes have in those situations.

In the final part, we want to look at the importance of what the parent is being asked to do, regardless of the age of your child, to help your child move forward.

Mental health issues remain some of the most contentious in society, especially in American society, where people’s opinions can run the gamut from “you are absolutely sick and you will always be this way” to “you are just faking. Just suck it up and move on.” In most cases, your answer to the mental health “question” will often line up along with your political opinions. In our opinion here at psychdomain.com, the obvious answer is that both of these extremes are in error in more than ninety-nine percent of cases and the actual truth will always lie somewhere in the middle.

If you, as a parent, were able to make the commitment to helping your child get help they made need in the moment, this is an important step in the right direction for them. However, in making that commitment, it is important to understand the full cost. It will typically result in many changes for likely all members of the family, not just the child in question.

There are many parents who will feel that in many cases the “cure is worse than the disease.” They will look for alternative ways to manage the situation, some of which are effective in certain situations. The key to these situations is to be brutally honest with yourself as an adult. In most situations, your child, even if they know they need help, is not going to ask for it. The anxiety of not knowing what is going to happen coupled with the fear of upsetting you as a parent often is large obstacle.

Having said that, if you have made the commitment to following through with the process, the importance of following through with the therapist’s suggestions and actively engaging in the process is almost always the most important indicator of successful treatment. In many cases, especially with younger children, the therapist will often ask to have sessions with the parents only in varying intervals depending on the severity of the child’s symptoms.

It is incumbent upon you as a parent to be as open as possible in these sessions. If you have serious misgivings as to mental health treatment as it stands or feel the wrong approach is being taken, the earlier you voice those ideas, the faster changes can be made. It is very often the case that families face a crisis and in the midst of looking for help the child will begin to negotiate with you in an effort to return to the status quo. Every time you as a parent make a decision of this type and do not follow through, it almost invariably becomes harder to get the child to engage as they will often feel if they negotiate or resist enough you will drop the subject.

Some parents feel that mental health treatment is “fake” or “forcing agendas on families.” Other parents see treatment as “coddling” or “excusing” difficult or “disrespectful” behaviors. Many feel obligated to punish these behaviors in the moment despite the usual fact that these punishments do not really address the emotions or behaviors underlying them.

Many parents feel that the responsibility for change will fall to the therapist and the child. While this is true in some cases, especially with older children, in the majority of cases the parents are often the key to lasting change.

Be the change you wish to see in your child

When the commitment to entering treatment is taken, it should be taken seriously. As previously mentioned, all concerns must be put out on the table as soon as possible to ensure that the right fit is attained as soon as possible.

Once you have found the right fit, the first stage of therapy can begin, as outlined in part one. The next step will be suggested interventions or changes to current interventions as outlined in part two. Your commitment will be tested at this point, probably more than your child’s.

Therapy can be a very opportune place for your child, and you, to get things in the open, whether simply venting frustrations or voicing fears, or learning new ways to look at old problems. The potential is there for significant progress. However, the problem that often materializes in these situations is that the child goes to therapy, practices new ways to cope with difficult situations, and then has no support in practicing them at home.

If the therapist has talked to you about the interventions being looked at and changes being practiced in session, you become the crucial medium in supporting them. The therapist can coach and suggest all they want but if there is no one around to help the child implement those changes when they are in a time of stress they will tend to fall back on usual means of coping in these situations. Parents will be there in those moments and will have the ability to change their own reactions to the behaviors and support the child to use new means of coping in these difficult situations.

Another crucial factor when these changes are being made is your ability as a parent to allow your child to struggle during these situations. In many cases, the child trying to enact new behaviors will become needy and even sometimes seem to act in ways designed to force you to take control of the situation. The better your ability to validate them during these times while still allowing them to struggle and use new means to cope, the more safe and encouraged they can feel to continue working in the right direction.

Your ability to stay consistent and persistent in these times will mean a great deal in their progress. For the first month or so, the child will often backslide and wait to see if you allow it. As you stay constant and supportive, progress will follow slowly but surely.

If you are seeking help or have already sought help and are confused how to proceed, please contact us through the form on the page. We will gladly help to fill in the gaps in areas where you feel inadequate or lack understanding. We will help you sort out various terms, interventions, or modalities that are typically used in therapy and support you and your family to better days ahead.