Being a parent has always had its challenges regardless of the age in which you have lived. In fact, one could argue that prehistoric times may have been the easiest times of all to be a parent. You had to spend most of your energy just keeping yourself and your family alive to really give any thought to feelings or problems of any kind. Simply getting through any day was a problem.
As the western world continued to gain a foothold and advance its standard of living over the centuries there have been inherent challenges that came with these advances.
People have had more and more time to contemplate their existence and its meaning. They have had more time to contemplate Life and Death, rights and responsibilities, and other concepts that had little bearing on life for millennia.
As each successive generation comes into being there seems to be more and more difficulty with finding their place in the world they have found and making sense of it. The ability to be avoidant of situations that cause us anxiety but to still be able to survive is unheard of in human history. Perhaps only the richest monarchs and plutocrats of history would have been able to accomplish a feat such as this.
This makes the role of parent increasingly difficult with each passing generation. Needless to say, the same problems were always present, they were just dealt with differently than they are now. Problems with anxiety or depression were scorned, especially with boys. You were expected to fulfill your responsibilities to your family, both as a son and as a husband.
Today the expectation is to be much more understanding of a child’s struggles and to be more collaborative with them as they navigate their difficulties and look to find their way in the world.
Of course, many parents believe they can use the solutions of their generation to solve the problems of the current generation. “When I was their age I would have gotten smacked for acting like this.” “This type of behavior never would have happened in my day.”
The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.
Socrates
Does the above quote sound familiar? Does it sound like how many people would describe the current generation? Yes you saw the citation correctly. If we believe the quotation is accurate then people were saying this almost 2,500 years ago.
This should inform us that the problem of children struggling with their behavior always was there and always will be there. It is incumbent upon us as adults to modify our interventions to help them.
There are two things parents should give their children: roots and wings.
Goethe
It is with that quote in mind that we look at what we at psychdomain.com believe is the ideal mindset for a parent. In a world that is becoming more and more polarized by the day, we believe the best approach is the one that find the middle ground between two ways of looking at world.
Many parents will feel like inculcating strong values is the most important facet of parenting. This is, of course, one of the keys to giving your child roots. The more vital keys are allowing the child to grow up in a stable and respectful household where disagreements are discussed and views challenged appropriately.
Do you want your child to be able to keep a level head during crisis? Then model that behavior when they are having a crisis. Do you want them to be happy adults? It will be difficult to do this if they see us panicked and miserable at every difficult turn in life.
Having the above qualities can be difficult, especially if your child has special needs but they are qualities that can be cultivated. we have found that parents who cultivate and make efforts to change their behavior consciously can often encourage their children to do the same.
On the other hand, giving your child “wings” can be more difficult. Often our first instinct as parents is “safety first” which is fine when your child is small and not able to navigate the complexity of life but can be stifling when they are a teenager.
Do you want your child to be able to adapt to change? Show the you can keep a level head and adapt when necessary to a changes in the economy or our job. Also being ready for these types of changes by being willing to take care of your health and willing to be a life-long learner are powerful examples for your child on how to be ready for the changes life will throw at them.
Do you want them to be able to take chances and innovate? Be accepting of their ideas as long as they are not endangering themselves or others. Show them that short-term setbacks do not preclude long-term successes.
Do you want them to accept others and learn to make friends with disparate groups of people? Show empathy to them and teach them that differences in people or groups does not have to be scary or threatening.
Parenting is always a job that is fraught with uncertainty. No matter how well we fill our role there is always a chance our child will fall behind and almost certain that they will face adversity of some type. If we are able to put these traits in place as adults, we increase the possibility of our children having the wherewithal to persevere during difficult times and to learn that life is to be honored and treasured, not to be feared and avoided.
Please drop us an email at psychdomain.com if you have an idea for a topic you have not seen addressed as of yet.