As we all watch the news and see more states opening up for business and life returning to something resembling normal for most people, there will be some apprehension with returning to work in person or just getting accustomed to things being more as they were before.
However, it can be easy to forget that many children will be returning to school for the first time in over a year and some, who may have been struggling before school was even postponed, are being asked to return for the first time in over a year in some cases.
When the history of the last year is written, one of the greatest unintended consequences of the entire situation may well be the affects on the mental and emotional well-being of many young people. Children have age 5-18 have virtually all been displaced in some form or fashion.
Of course, some of them were already very resistant to attending school in the first place and will now be even more resistant having had an entire year without the increase stress and anxiety of school due to a system that institutionalized avoidance.
On the other hand, there are a number of students who were faring very well in school who now have begun to struggle to cope with having their routine drastically altered by this unprecedented situation.
Throughout history, the type of school intervention we have seen for the past year would have been impossible. With the advent of easy to use video conferencing tools like Zoom, children were allowed to “attend school” and “socialize” from their living room or bedroom with none of the muss or fuss of having to put in the cognitive work that goes along with having to make it through a school day or navigate a social interaction.
As your child prepares to go back, or if they have already gone back and are struggling to re-assimilate, it is imperative that you as a parent are able to support your child more than ever during this time. As we discussed in our previous post, if you are not able to validate and support your children’s feelings they will either look for validation in different areas or become less and less able to express their concerns to anyone, making more complex problems, like depression, anxiety disorders, and/or substance abuse disorders, more likely to pop up in the future.
We at psychdomain.com would like to suggest some of the following as means of supporting your child as they move back into school, many of which we suggest on a daily basis in any situation.
Model appropriate ways of coping with change
As we have said at different points throughout the site, modeling and supporting your child around change is one of the most important things you can do on a daily basis. If your child sees you stressed and irritated due to changes in your routine, the clear implication to them will be: change is scary and to be avoided at all costs. Our message is the obvious, common-sense message that change is inevitable and going on around us in everything at all times. We would go so far as to suggest that the ability to accept and embrace change in life may be the greatest gift you can impart to your children.
Listen and Validate
As we mentioned in the last post, sometimes the greatest way to support your child in the moment is to just listen and validate their feelings of anxiety or frustration, regardless of whether you agree with them or not. Even if their anxiety or frustration is completely misplaced in your opinion, simply listening without judgement and saying something as simple as, “This must really be hard for you. I never had to go through anything like this when I was in school,” can go a long way to helping your child stay open to your suggestions down the line in these or other important situations.
Help them rebuild and maintain a routine
One of the most anxiety-provoking parts of the whole pandemic was the way it threw many people out of their old routines. Now after a year of building something of a new routine, typically based around being at home and socializing online, they are being asked to build a new routine. Help them build these new routines by giving them good advice as to important facets of a good routine like making sure to incorporate exercise and healthy eating, as well as allowing an appropriate amount of sleep to give them the capacity to cope with the unknowns in their lives at this time.
Maintain appropriate limits
Even though we feel it is very important to validate and support your child emotionally, there are limits to this idea. If your child becomes avoidant of school or struggles to get into a new routine appropriate to the new situation, it is important for you as a parent to have open communication with them around ways that you can support them in this endeavor. Remember, validating your child is not the same as enabling them and should not be taken as such. Helping your child get back into a routine during this unprecedented situation seems very appropriate. Make sure they understand what their expectations are and that you will be there to support them in any way possible during this time.
Please stay informed on ways to support your child during this time by subscribing to our email list. Also please drop us an email anytime to get help with new ways to intervene with your child, whatever the circumstances at psychdomain.com